The Night We Met the S.B. XXI M.V.P.

We met this dude on Monday night. He wasn’t exactly smiling like this, but that’s OK. Let’s just say that Mr. Simms has that “dark” sense of humor. We were thoroughly entertained by his rants… I mean, insight into things such as the Wildcat formation, Mark Sanchez, Jon Gruden (cough, cough), how good it feels to be on the football field, and Boomer Esiason’s waistline.

B. may be able to elaborate, because she talked his ear off—in the most charming way possible—while I was transfixed by the massive screen and all the other little screens and the beer and the wings and the stats tickers and the TV SCREENS IN THE BATHROOMS at ESPN Zone.

Besides, Mr. Sims did say something about “off the record”. Right after asking, “there’s no media in here, right?” See. Dark humor.

We were lucky enough to meet the Super Bowl XXI MVP (did you forget? don’t worry, Sims will remind you), due to the generosity of Aetrex, who invited us all to watch the Miami-Colts game after we took our shoes off in front of each other to get them scanned. (We all favor our right feet, by the looks of the tech.)

We snagged some copper socks (buh-bye, fungus!), the truth about our shoe size (everyone’s wearing the wrong one, as they do with bras. Just ask that other Boomer), and a mini football signed by none other than … YES! S.B. XXI MVP.

B. and I even had him sign our balls (heh) for other people. Because we’re nice like that.

—R.